Small town, Big MOUTH

Living in a small town has it's pros and cons. I am not going to go into the pros, I am just going to discuss one of the cons. 

I grew up in Newbury Park. The town is small, and its like cheers where more than likely everybody knows your name. When you are in a town this small people remember you a number of different ways, sometimes it is for something good, and sometimes its bad. 

I am not concerned with status, or what I am known for. (I can give you a list of what I am known for but it's not a pretty sight.) I am just concerned for peoples well being. 

As kids we try and find ourselves. We sometimes do things we didn't really want to do, or say things we really didn't want to say. One of the pros and cons of living in a small town is that for the most part when you are a child you are around the SAME PEOPLE, sometimes for 12 years. Thats a long time, and in that course of time a lot of things can happen. Maybe someone who you were friends with all through grade school is no longer your friend when you get to high school or vice versa. You love, hate, laugh, fight, and it feels like forever. 

One of the things that I have been fairly good at is making fun of someone. You can thank my 5 older brothers for that skill. My parents got divorced when I was one year old, so every other weekend I would visit my dads house, where all 5 brothers dwelled. Now keep in mind, at my moms house in Newbury Park I was an only child. I was king. but when I would visit my dad, I got a reality check. My brothers would make fun and bag on me all the time. Thinking back on it, it was hilarious. They were very creative in their fun making. (which can make it hurt that much more). This was my first comedy inspiration. I had to come up with ways to make fun of them back. Obviously when I was a kid they didn't take what I said back as funny or anything, I was just baby brother attempting to make a joke. But I now know they saw it and now that I am older I can hang with them in this department easily.  When I would go back to NP from a weekend at my dads I was fully loaded with an arsenal of jokes and ways to bag on people. And I soon became pretty good at it. My low self esteem really fueled that fire as well. 

I went through all of school trying to get laughs. It made me feel good to make someone feel good. However the part of my wit or personality that would seek out something to make fun of sometimes was at someones expense. I never really thought about how it would make them feel, because to me that was normal. Plus I had my own low self esteem to deal with so that clouded any kind of good judgement. Also, look....When people are bullied out of hate, it can go bad really quick, and I can honestly say if I made a joke to someones expense it was just to get a laugh and to selfishly make myself feel better. I didn't hate. If the same people that I made fun of needed help, Id help them. Which is saying alot because I made fun of EVERYONE! I even made fun of someone who years later is now my best friend and my brother and i love him.  it didnt matter if you were a "jock" "Stoner" "nerd" "Gay" "smart" any of those "Classes" that make up school when you are younger. I was equal opportunity and I absolutely would never physically harm someone. 

What I now realize is that the tiniest of joke made in the past can be remembered. Maybe not specifically, but they will always remember that small moment of when you were an asshole. And if you really are an asshole, then this wont bother you, and you can go on with your life, you know, do what you normally do, put drugs in girls drinks at clubs or bars and have your way with them. BUT, if you really are not one, and you care about people and their well being then this might bother you, and if you are able to, apologize you DICK!

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Now I could be wrong, to think that I have had such an impact on someone is pretty narcissistic, I am aware of that don't worry. ;-) BUT For anyone that reads this, if I ever made fun of you in the past and it hurt you on some level, or if you know someone that I DID make fun of and it hurt them in any way (pass this on to them) Or if you were in a similar situation that has nothing to do with me, and just in general I think this might be a good read.   

I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. And that is not a joke.  In school its hard enough without some asshole joking it up. I want people to be happy, I want this world to be a happy place. Without cares, war and hate. I want all people to be happy. And in the past if I made it even the slightest bit harder for you to be happy, I am sorry.  

PS: If it is any consolation I am miserable now, actually for the past 5 years, I live in fear daily and Im a former drug addict. <3

MARRIAGE DOESNT ALWAYS = HAPPINESS..... oh and STFU

Okay, I understand things arent easy to get over. If you have been taught one thing your whole life it gets difficult to change your way of thinking. Its difficult but not impossible.

I am getting pretty sick of people always preaching about the "Sanctity of Marriage"

People (usually religious people) always bring up protecting the sanctity of marriage when anything their minds cant handle comes up like Gay marriage and having kids out of wedlock.

Lets take the first thing first. It is beyond my comprehension that anyone can be against gay marriage. The fact that gay people exist to some people makes them feel uncomfortable. There could be a number of reasons someone could be uncomfortable with a gay person such as them being gay themselves and they feel its wrong, so instead of admitting they are gay, they go out on a hate mission against it to convince people, and more importantly try and convince themselves that they are straight. Or something else like religion runs their life so instead of making a decision themselves, they look to a book that was written FOREVER AGO. THINGS CHANGE! People have their beliefs, but dont let those beliefs effect another human being in a negative way that makes them unhappy. I went to church as a kid, I know that being hateful is not a good thing.

What two, or three or FIVE gay people do, DOES NOT EFFECT YOU!

Let a guy suck another guy off, let a girl eat another girl out. Let the two guys in the PHOTO ABOVE get married. If it makes them happy thats a good thing, because HAPPY PEOPLE =  LESS VIOLENCE AND HATE.

In fact, throw me in that suck and eat party, Ill do em all. Ill take a dick in my mouth while I fuck a girl that is eating out a different girl.......

Did that make you feel uncomfortable? IT SHOULDNT! this is life! If you want to hide from it, become a preist or a nun. bottom line.

PS: some of the nicest people in the world are gay. Gay men especially. maybe a dick really is the magic stick. Maybe dick unlocks the key to happiness?
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Marriage is a joke. Maybe it didn't used to be, but it is now. Most marriages fail, so what does that tell you? Maybe the human animal isnt meant to be stuck to another human forever without straying. We as humans want to have sex, there is a drive in us that wants to fuck, and have kids. You do not need to be married to do that. But alot of people feel that you need to be......let me express how alot of people feel about this.....

KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****(you could say, "hey Bretski you are writing a blog preaching too....why are you not keeping your beliefs to YOURself?" my answer to that is that I am more important than you and EVERYONE wants to know what I have to say.)****

If two people had a kid and they don't want to get married, THATS FINE. leave them alone. they do not need to be married. If they are happier not married, then that means they will display happiness in front of their child. and thats a good thing. I was born into a divorce, and I am happy because I did not want to witness a marriage failing, its not fun or funny. A kid doesnt want to be around two people who got married just because they had a child. its a FAKE marriage and will end I promise. So really people,  LAY off the preaching. Let people enjoy their kids while they can before they have to deal with their bullshit as they get older.  The ones that had the kid out of WEDLOCK (what a horrible word) are not going to go to hell and it doesnt effect you in any way.
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In closing

A lot of you just need a little happiness. And as we have learned from above, DICK is the key to unlocking this, so my dick will be available Mon-sat all day.........not on sundays tho, on sundays I go and get my abortions taken care of.



*****I realize to some people that this is some heavy shit. I am not saying you have to change the way you think, but let people live their lives, as they let you live yours. Love you*****

THIS IS FUCKED UP RIGHT HERE

Its 2:11am, and I am sitting out in the cold, on my laptop, and wearing socks with sandals. So now when I pull my feet out of the sandals I will look like a ninja turtle.

I have an unofficial creative partner who also happens to be my best friend. He is currently working a job in an industry that he went to school for and wanted to be in and I am not. He is always ready to get some shit down on paper, and I am not. So it only makes sense that after a while he may want to re think his partnership. I would too, BUT, the reason I dont seem committed and all in is because I am such a basket case that I lose whats important in my mind.

In order to sit and write with him, I have to drive out of my small town (out of my bubble, my comfort zone where I could possibly die or get raped. You see I have this tight little ass that I am always worried someone is going to want to penetrate it.) then go to his place, try and find PARKING which is impossible in that city. I have never had to spend so much time parking, its fucking insane, and when I do find a spot there is always this button hook maneuver I have to make to squeeze in somewhere. When at my house (okay my parents house) I have a nice pristine drive way I can park in. This would be every single time I go there. Now in the big picture should this stop me from having fun, being creative, and by the grace of god come up with something that becomes amazing and it gets picked up and then Ill never have to park again!!!?????

Of course it shouldn't stop me!

If it stopped me that means that I am a bigger pussy than I think I already am, and it means I dont want it badly enough. A straight up PUSS! So while I am being a pussy he finds someone else to work on stuff with then I am left with what? My dick in my hand and a sad face thats what!

The american dream is doing something you love to do, and get paid for it. Plain and simple, but in order to obtain the american dream you need to truly deep deep down in that tight little ass of yours, WANT IT!

THE MAN WAS ALL HEART.

I started this blog to be funny, and maybe put some thoughts down, but this issue is taking up most of my brain and it more than deserves a post on a blog even if its a blog no one reads.

When you first find out that someone you know has passed away a million things come rushing to your brain such as:
- How did he/she die?
-When?
-How should I feel about this?
-How does the family feel?
-What is the impact going to be on my daily life?
-Is there going to be a funeral?
-Should I be crying?

There are answers to all these questions, the only one there isnt a correct answer to is "Why?"

In some religions the answer to "why?" is "The lord works in mysterious ways."
But that's only a theory. Some find it to be helpful. The idea that the reason a loved one passed away is part of God's plan can be comforting. But only to the ones that believe that theory.

One of the most universal answers to WHY is: "Everything happens for a reason."
This one can be comforting as well, but the sadness and loss will more than likely outweigh it.

People have been trying to figure out WHY things happen, and probably we will never know. I think in the matter of losing someone the answer to why is really not all that important. The important part is that we deal with the loss in a healthy way that strengthens our hearts while we are on this planet. (which is easier said than done) And also no one wants to hear "It will get better soon." Look we know it will get better, but just let me freak out for a little bit.
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The world lost my co worker and my buddy the other day. I wasnt the closest person to him by a long shot, but I can safely say he was a buddy that I could count on. Nothing prepares you for sudden tragedy, which is exactly what this was. He passed too soon, and there will be tears for a while from it. We knew he was sick, but we didn't know how bad, we told him to go to the doctor, but he said he didnt have health insurance. This is a sad and frustrating tragedy. That I will always remember and learn from.

I have always been good on judging peoples character, a trait I may have picked up from my father. I will say that my friend was ALL HEART, the guy had one of the biggest hearts I've seen in people. I cant think of a time where he was selfish. He worked his ass off for our store physically and emotionally. When he was on the brink he was still delivering pizzas, the guy was a soldier. Working there meant a lot to him, and he MORE than earned his money. We should name a fucking pizza after him.

Another thing was his sense of humor. If you know me you know I constantly make jokes, but when I do them, I am also gauging who is laughing and if it is real. I appreciate his understanding of my humor and I loved to make him laugh. It was pleasant. It made work fun.

He was a country music lover, a dog lover, work lover, and he loved his friends and family.  I was beginning to think that maybe he was the one that told the Beatles to write a song called "All you need is love"...If all people had his kind of passion for people and things, the world might be a more peaceful place.

RIP



**These are just my thoughts on death, and what I remember of my buddy. these do not reflect everyones thoughts or beliefs, just mine**

The Beginning; Hopefully not the end.

Blogging thats the new thing now right?

I am starting this blog as a way to write shit down, and express how I feel most of the time. I am also always starving for attention so I figure this is a good way to obtain that. I will of course plug this site multiple times to get people to read this dumb shit. I am not above selling myself out.

In my typical fashion this could also be the last thing I ever post. I give up very easily. I think I spend most of my days wasting any talent I have. WHY? I dont know, ask my therapist that I pay a shit load of money to.


I am sorry I put you through this. Go back to watching "Jersey Shore"